Happy Ending

This is the story of how I got my happy ending. A happy end it truly was. Most say it was tragedy, such a young soul lost. This is what I wanted. This is contentment.

Life is hard for a high school student, especially if your school is known for being the best. Expectations start to pile up and the anxiety becomes unbearable. So much to do in so little time, and everyone just assume that since you made it to the school, you have it in you to finish it.

I looked at the blueness before me. So big, so wonderful. It could swallow me whole, just as I wanted it to, and nothing of me would be left. I looked at the sea before I jumped, and in that moment I knew I wouldn't regret this.

Not because I'd be dead, but because this was what was supposed to happen and I loved it. My life was just beginning.

I told him I loved him, he didn't believe it. That's when I stopped loving him. I didn't have time for people who wouldn't take my word for things.

That's why when I told my mother I would jump, and she didn't take it seriously, I stopped talking to her about it. I was going to do it, with or without saying goodbye.

This wasn't death in the common sense. It was rebirth. I didn't like

this life, and I was going to go get me a new one. Why could people travel to a different country for a new life but I couldn't travel to a different universe? God was mocking me, making me play by his rules. 

What he didn't know is I wasn't one to obey. When I proved him my bravery, he would love me. He would put me in a better life, a better one where I will be anything I aspire to be.

I didn't think of him when I jumped. I thought of my parents. They would miss me for sure, but I wouldn't. I will have new parents in my new life, and my responsibility is to them now.

The nearer the death came, the more certain I became. I wanted this. This was, well, fun. The wind in my hair, my gut up my throat, I almost felt like I was in an amusement park. 

The pain was sharp, where my brother hit me when I was little. I cried, mom held me tight and yelled at him. Mission accomplished. Getting him in trouble was so easy and so much fun. I suppose he would be the only person I miss, even in a better life. He loved me, I know he did, even though he didn't show it. A princess, I used to call him every time he got my mom to do things for him. I will always remember my princess, even after death and rebirth, he will always be somewhere on my mind. He was too big a part of my life to be forgotten.

The pain was sharp when I hit the water. Adrenaline rushed all over my body and the high of it was almost worth the low of it. I didn't see the light as everyone say they do. All I saw was darkness.
No God,

no after life,
 no nothing.

Was this hell?

Or was it just simply over?