Satisfaction

Running... Running towards the satisfaction we will never catch. No matter how fast we run, it will always be faster. We will get injured, hurt or we will die, spending our whole lives on a failed hunt, but we will never catch it. We will never quite find contentment.

Is that human nature? Are we simply that greedy that nothing can make us content? Has anyone ever been happy? 

I fell. So many times on this search for something. I don't know what it is, I just know that it's as far away as the closest thing to me. It seems so easy to reach, but you have to travel across the world in order to reach it. 

I did. I traveled the world. I saw so much "happiness", but how could that be enough if all smiles faded eventually? 

I saw love. I saw true, epic love stories. I believe in it, I do, but how is that enough when one day the things you fell for become the things that irritate you the most? I stopped searching for love once I realised that. It wasn't as solid as logic, it couldn't be explained and it was fragile. I wanted something solid and certainty. I knew no satisfaction would come out of this, so I started chasing another happy ending.

Career or kids, they would ask. I answered career. I thought I would never regret it. Never thought I would end up in a wheelchair in a retirement home without anybody to look after me other than the nurse's who hated their job. They look at me and laugh, I can feel that. They look at me and laugh because I was stupid enough to choose work over family. I thought this was going to be my path and it would end in happiness. It didn't. 

I ran and ran and ran until my legs gave up. I rose and rose and rose until I reached the sky.

I forgot, the higher I rose the more painful the fall would be.

That's the thing, I see now. We think the sky is so beautiful that we want to touch it. We want to be there. But up there, it's so lonely. You forget how important people are once you lose yourself in selfishness. You think of yourself only, but in the end there is a reason there's a society. As corrupted as it is, humanbeings can't live alone. 

And maybe we were never meant to be content. Maybe, all smiles do fade away and what's left is pain. I'd like to think otherwise though.

I'd like to think that all pain fades away and eventually, somewhere in this whole wide world will smile.

And I believe, that will be everything we ever reached for.