Growing Up

    

 When did we grow up? When did the responsibilities turn into an ocean with sharks and rip tides? Just yesterday, I was praying for the day I could finally leave home for good. When did that become my worst nightmare?
     Picture this: Everywhere is dark. It's going to stay that way, unless you find two sticks in the dark and start your own fire. Except when you do that, everything around you will start to burn as well. That's what it feels like, being a grown up. Every option worse than the one before, every decision you make pulling you further down. No one will pull you out of the pit you put yourself in.
     Your mother isn't there to hold you anymore. She has a bad back. She can't carry you anymore. She can barely carry herself.
     Your father didn't want you in the first place. He didn't want a woman who couldn't bend her legs just right for him. That's why he left, you know that's why there is no one to have your back.
     You can fall. That's okay. Everybody makes mistakes. Everyone is allowed to fall. Just know this: You won't be able to get up.
     There will be people pushing you down. People who are hateful. People whose mothers never held them tight so they don't know what love is. You will find yourself lucky that you are not as hateful as they are, but they will rise and you will keep falling.
     It's a pit without an end. You fall, and fall, and fall, until the darkness turns darker. Your eyes adjust to it, you think you can see, and that's why people always let you down. You can't see them. You think you do, you think they are one thing, they always turn out to be another. It's not their fault, it's you who is blind to everyone. 
     Everyone is an angel, until they are the Devil. That's why everyone started to look like the Devil. That's why you won't ever trust anyone ever again.
     And maybe this was just my hell. Maybe, you will get heaven. Maybe there is no way of knowing when hell turns into heaven and vice versa.
     After all, you can't see in the pit called growing up.